The essence of my suffering is the result of my acute perception of time – I am preoccupied with, and take abnormal responsibility for, both the anticipated future and my shortcoming in maximizing the outcomes of events past.
Regarding the latter, I wake up with guilt resulting from “remembrance of things past” which must mean that a large part of sleep is concerned with these memories. It is possible that these memories record faithfully record the events or, more likely, add to and subtract from the whole truth.
Within 30min to an hour of waking up, anxiety for the future displaces much of the guilt to take “pride of place” in my day. This anxiety often becomes panic.
I must realize, even if the prevailing belief of current society does not, that my neurosis is not an indication of my incompetence, but rather my sensitivity to anything that would threaten a better future.
Yet I must reduce both guilt and anxiety by paradoxically allowing both to flow through me.
Flow. Do not numb or push away. Let all my perceptions flow. Let my consciousness be open – open not only to those people or media who are most insistent and demanding but to all information; especially that which quietly goes by ignored.
Allow my guilt and my fear to pass through me and not dam up thereby prevent new perceptions from flowing in.
This resulting reclaimed space, an openness of mind, has place to allow my uncolored observations, and subtly layered thoughts, to dance and play in my mind.
Flow. Dance. Play. 🙂